Well I have decided that it is time to focus some of my thoughts and energy back to the beautiful world of Hope From Harrison. It is easy to understand why I have silently ignored my mission here for the better part of the last year since I last wrote here. It is easy to fall into the thought pattern that there is to much pain here and I will just put off "the work" until we are "stable"…………
While these words may seem logical as I am justifying them in my head or to anyone who loves us and just wants our pain to go away, as I sit down to write these words and reconnect with the BEAUTIFUL world that Harrison exposed me to I know that there is no place I would rather be. There is nothing I would rather do more than give of myself to help others in the name of Harrison and equally important help others to feel the love that Harrison created.
It is almost like coming home after being away on a long trip or moving away for a job and then coming back. As I sit here and write these words I feel a connection of love and healing energy that I can only access by my reference to my time with Harrison. It is a pure feeling that for me equates to the meaning of life, and it is still as alive and well today as it was while I was experiencing it when Harrison was here with us.
Actually these feelings of love and inspiration are even more clear now as I am able to experience them without the clouded emotional chaos that was hanging over us like a winter fog off the coast of Galveston that just didn't want to leave. While the feelings may not be as intense they are more nourishing and clear. I am able to appreciate them with a peace that I have not felt in a while.
I am sure there was a good reason I have not written here for over a year now, but I can't think of one at this time. For the past year I have engrossed myself with work and continuing my struggle. Our world was shaken dramatically and powerfully that we lost all sense of what who we were in many ways. I look at Melissa and I look at myself sometimes and it is very clear that we are not the same people we used to be.
We are still crying for help, but we know it is up to us to "handle" it now. Time has passed, new babies have been born, more babies have died, this universe keeps expanding, and we are trying to figure out if we are expanding or contracting at any given moment. It's like the progress of life is pulling us forward but we are still crying for Harrison and the stability and confidence we had before he was born.
The pain is not nearly as prevalent today as it was a year ago, but for me it is more real. It's like the armor I put on to protect my psyche and emotional state when he passed is finally wearing off and I can feel again. I am beginning to feel both the beauty and the pain that is the story of Harrison. For the past year and a half I have worked very hard at focusing on the beauty that is Harrison so that I would not have to experience the intensity of the pain that is Harrison, but now as the days add up I am for the first time able to breathe and grieve in new ways.
One of the reasons I was inspired to write here tonight is because I am finding peace for the first time in a few years and I am really excited about where I am now in my life. I am excited, for the first time in my life, to be the conscious creator of my life experience. This new perspective that I am living has allowed me to reach back and connect with my beautiful son Harrison and celebrate all that he continues to be.
I can no longer ignore the powerful lessons that he taught me. I can no longer pretend that I have other things to do. While life will continue to have it's demands and I do not anticipate committing 100% of my time to the foundation at this time I am declaring that I am ready to step up and bring life back to The Hope From Harrison Foundation.
I am ready to share with the world all that I learned from my journey with Harrison, Melissa, Maxwell and our circle of healing that literally circles this physical earth and beyond. I am ready to help other families in any way I can by sharing our story, being here to listen to theirs and offer assistance in any way I can.
In closing tonight I must stay thank you to my beautiful wife for allowing me to process this the way I needed to and standing by me as only you could. I love you babe and I promise you that beautiful days are here again, and there is plenty of life to be lived in ways we may not even be able to imagine at this time.
I would also like to say thank you to you for reading these words right now. Thank you for caring enough to stand by our family and fill us with love. Whether you are family member, a friend or a complete stranger searching for answers for your child. All of you are a part of our Hope From Harrison journey and I love you.